Monday, May 1, 2017

Jokes part 1



##A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk Bu KKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit... "



##A traveling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes. The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past. "Yes sir, I'm a fine horse. I've run in 25 races and won over 5 million. I keep my trophies in the barn. "The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the horse's owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal. "Oh, you don't want that horse," said the farmer. "Yes I do," said the salesman, "and I'll give you?10,000 for the horse. "Recognizing a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, "He's yours. "While he wrote out his cheque, the salesman asked, "By the way, why wouldn't I want your horse? "
"Because," said the farmer, "he's a liar - he hasn't won a race in his life. "
  

##A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt? "she asks. She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written! "




##A preacher is buying a parrot. "Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear? " asked the preacher. "Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him. "Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm. "
"Wonderful! " says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings? "
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! " screeched the parrot."
  



##A new lieutenant in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him quarters, he asks the corporal, "The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship? "The corporal replies, "On Fridays, they let us use the camels. "The lieutenant is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't he. The next friday, the young lieutenant slinks over to the camel pens and, after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar. The same corporal comes in to investigate. "Lieutenant! What are you doing. "
"Come on man," replied the embarrassed officer, "You yourself told me we could use the camels on Fridays. "
"Yes sir," replied the corporal. "But most of us just ride them into town. "

No comments:

Post a Comment

Trending