Friday, May 5, 2017

Some more jokes




##A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

##A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say? "Child: "Moo! "Mother: "Great! What does the cat say? "Child: "Meow. "Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say? " And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud. "
 


##A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog on to the the operating table, looks down and says "Say ahhhhhhhhhhh! "The man looks at the vet and says "The dog can't speak ". The vet says to the man "I was talking to YOU. The dog,s dead!!!"



##A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," said the vet, "lets have a look at him. " So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes. "Hmm," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down " "Just because he's cross-eyed? " says the man. "No, because he's heavy," says the vet."




##A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. "That's strange," said the fox. "Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree. " "Listen, bud," replied the boy squirrel. "Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in love? "


##A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says "May I help you? " The blind man replies "No thank you, I'm just looking around. "
##A boy and girl octopus out on a date walked down the street arm in arm in arm in arm...

##A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear? "
"Yes "
"What are you doing at the movies? "
"Well, I liked the book! "



##A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck. Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn't cause an accident with the chicken. The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken. The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged chicken. As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm. The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front. Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens. After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens. "Well we figure," said the farmer, "that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken. But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own. " "That's pretty wise," said the man, who then asked "Well how do your 3-legged chickens taste? "

 

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