Thursday, May 4, 2017

Jokes about animals



##As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc. 
The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified "No dogs. " Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. 

One day, the father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit. He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive- and punctual with rent checks- convinced the landlord to keep him and his dog. On the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area. Months went by with no incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed home sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let the dog out. 
Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn't in the house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog. Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to face certain eviction(and possible jail time), he took matters into his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its hair (OK he was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage. Natural causes, right? Nothing happened. 
After an excruciating week, he finally approached his neighbor one morning on the way to work. "How is everything? " asked Chuck. "We're moving " replied the man. "This is a sick neighborhood. " "Why? What happened? " replied Chuck. The neighbor replied: "Some sick bastard dug up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it back in its cage. "

 ##An elephant walks up to a naked guy and says, "How do you breathe out of that thing? "


##A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly,asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog! "
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him. "But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said sadly. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog! "
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him. "
"Oh? What was it then? "
"I think it was the spin cycle! "
  

##An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn ", says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave! "


##An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder? "The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes. "


##Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted. "
 


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