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Monday, May 1, 2017

Animal jokes 7

##A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her,
"Hey lady, you are really ugly. " Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly. "
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly. "
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied,
"That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady. "
She paused and said, "Yes? "
The bird said, "You know. "

##A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi
Mr. Lion! " The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit? " The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion? " The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes "."

##A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. "That's strange," said the fox. "Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree. " "Listen, bud," replied the boy squirrel. "Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in love? "

##A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again. The little turtle insisted again and again after each knock, while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, looking the turtle with pain..suddenly the female bird says to the male: "Hey dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted. "

##A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk. "Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead. "Man: "What covers a house? "Dog: "Roof! "Man: "How does sandpaper feel? "Dog: "Rough! "Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time? "Dog: "Ruth! "Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk. "The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle? "

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