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Saturday, May 6, 2017

More short stories

Never Mind Them Watermelons

Well now, old Sam Gibb, he didn't believe in ghosts. Not one bit. Everyone in town knew the old log cabin back in the woods was haunted, but Sam Gibb just laughed whenever folks talked about it. Finally, the blacksmith dared Sam Gibb to spend the night in the haunted log cabin. If he stayed there until dawn, the blacksmith would buy him a whole cartload of watermelons. Sam was delighted. Watermelon was Sam's absolute favorite fruit. He accepted the dare at once, packed some matches and his pipe, and went right over to the log cabin to spend the night.Sam went into the old log cabin, started a fire, lit his pipe, and settled into a rickety old chair with yesterday's newspaper. As he was reading, he heard a creaking sound. Looking up, he saw that a gnarled little creature with glowing red eyes had taken the seat beside him. It had a long, forked tail, two horns on its head, claws at the ends of its hands, and sharp teeth that poked right through its large lips.""There ain't nobody here tonight except you and me,"" the creature said to old Sam Gibb. It had a voice like the hiss of flames. Sam's heart nearly stopped with fright. He leapt to his feet.""There ain't going to be nobody here but you in a minute,"" Sam Gibb told the gnarled creature. He leapt straight for the nearest exit - which happened to be the window - and hi-tailed it down the lane lickety-split. He ran so fast he overtook two rabbits being chased by a coyote. But it wasn't long before he heard the pounding of little hooves, and the gnarled creature with the red eyes caught up with him.""You're making pretty good speed for an old man,"" said the creature to old Sam Gibb.""Oh, I can run much faster than this,"" Sam Gibb told it. He took off like a bolt of lightning, leaving the gnarled creature in the dust. As he ran passed the smithy, the blacksmith came flying out of the forge to see what was wrong.""Never mind about them watermelons,"" Sam Gibb shouted to the blacksmith without breaking his stride.Old Sam Gibb ran all the way home and hid under his bed for the rest of the night. After that, he was a firm believer in ghosts and spooks, and he refused to go anywhere near the old cabin in the woods.

Old Man MosesIt's not hard to catch a meal in New Hampshire, no sir. Take my neighbor, Old Man Moses, who lives down a piece from me. One morning, Old Man Moses went out his kitchen door and found twelve turkeys on his fence. He figured one of them would make a good dinner, but he was afeared that if he went to get his gun, them turkeys would be gone when he returned.So Old Man Moses tossed his ax at them turkeys, hoping to get at least one. But his ax caught the tree branch above the turkeys on the fence. The branch fell into the pond, taking the turkeys with it and trapping their legs right good. Old Man Moses went right into the pond after them turkeys, his great coat floating around him like a fishing net. By the time he came ashore, Old Man Moses had snagged himself twelve turkeys and a passel of fish for his supper. Ain't nowhere else I know of where you can catch a weeks worth of meals in under ten minutes 'cept in New Hampshire. Just ask Old Man Moses.

Tale of a Lost Senior CitizenWhen I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out.  I stopped and asked him what was wrong.He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?'He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.'I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.'I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?'He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'

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