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Saturday, May 6, 2017

2 funny stories

1.
Allison's AlligatorAlex alligator arrived at Allison Arthur's apple farm in April, when the apple trees were covered with blossoms.""Whatever am I to do with an alligator?"" Allison asked.Inside the box, Alex yawned. Alex stuck his legs through the holes at the bottom of the box and ambled into the house in search of dinner.""Oh no you don't!"" cried Allison. ""You cannot live in the house. You are to stay in the stream behind the apple orchard.""Allison put Alex in the small stream. Then Allison put a strong fence around the stream so Alex did not try to eat Mrs. Chory's chickens.Alex liked the stream and his pen. He especially liked the steaks Allison gave him every morning and evening.One day in August a red apple fell off a tree and rolled under the fence and into Alex's pen. Alex sniffed it a bit and then took a bite.It was the most delicious thing Alex had ever eaten. Alex slipped under the fence and ambled into the apple orchard. Alex found a line of baskets sitting under a tree. Alex ate all the apples in the baskets. Then he wandered under another tree and ate all the apples in the baskets he found there. He was very happy. And very full. He went back into his cage.Allison came by later with his steak. Alex sniffed at it, but he was not very hungry.""Do you know what someone did Alex?"" asked Allison. Alex yawned. ""Someone stole all my apples. They knocked over the baskets and stole the apples. If it happens again, I'm calling the police.""That night, Alex had a very pleasant dream about apples. After his steak the next morning, Alex slipped under the fence and out into the orchard. There were a bunch of people climbing up and down ladders with baskets. Alex watched for a few moments. Then he realized that when the people came down the ladders, their baskets were full of apples.Alex wandered over to the closest ladder. A small girl descended with a basket full of apples. Alex grinned at her. The little girl screamed and dropped the basket. She ran away, yelling for her mother. Alex stuck his head in the basket and began eating apples. He heard voices coming towards him.""Now April, you know what I've said about fibbing. There are no alligators in this orchard."" said April's mother. Alex pulled his head out of the basket and grinned at April's mother.""Ahhhh!"" she screamed. April and her mother ran away as fast as they could.Alex walked over to another tree. A man was climbing down the ladder. He stepped on Alex's back. Alex grunted and tried to walk away. The man looked down at Alex and yelped. The man dropped his basket and ran toward the house. Alex ate all the apples in his basket.Just then, Allison came running into the orchard.""Alex!"" she yelled. Alex took one look at Allison and bolted back into his pen. Allison followed him.""So you're the one who ate all my apples."" she said. ""I'd better fix your cage.""Once Alex's cage was fixed, he could no longer go into the apple orchard. Alex stared longingly at the trees full of apples.At dinner time, Allison brought Alex a steak as usual.""You are a bad boy, Ales,"" she said. ""But I can't blame you for liking apples. I brought you a surprise.""Allison went outside the cage, and picked up a basket. It was full of apples! Alex ate all the apples before he ate his steak.Allison laughed. ""I'll bring you apples every night Alex,"" she said. That is exactly what Allison did.


2.
Bakery BearBrenda was busy baking a batch of blueberry muffins in the kitchen of Butler's Bakery when the bell rang.""Be with you in a bit,"" Brenda called, brushing her blond braid over her shoulder.Brenda put the blueberry muffins into the oven and bustled into the store. A big brown bear stood with his paws on the counter.""Grumph,"" said the big brown bear.""Aaaaa!"" said Brenda Butler.Brenda ran out through the back door to get Bill Boyle, the policeman.""Bill, there is a big brown bear in the bakery!"" Brenda cried.""A bear?"" Bill asked.Bill followed Brenda into the bakery. The bear was busy eating blintz's and a bunch of bagels. It looked at Bill Boyle and grunted bad-temperedly.""Here bear. Nice bear,"" Bill said nervously.The bear gave Bill a baleful grin. Bill backed away. The bear ambled toward Bill. Bill ran.""Oh boy,"" Brenda babbled and fled from the store.""I'd better call Barney,"" Bill told Brenda.Barney Blake was the local dogcatcher for the town of Bradley. Barney drove up in his big blue van and hopped out.""Where's the bear?"" Barney asked Brenda.""It's in the bakery,"" Brenda said.Barney took a big net and went into the bakery. Brenda heard a bang. Grabbing a broom from the closet, Brenda rushed into the store. Barney was standing on a bench, waving his arms and yelling ""Shoo!"" at the bear. The bear was biting Barney's black boots hungrily.Brenda beat the bear with the broom. ""Back off, you big bully,"" Brenda shouted.When the bear bit the broom, Barney jumped off the bench and ran out of the bakery. Brenda followed.""What happened to your net?"" asked Brenda breathlessly.""The bear broke it,"" said Barney.A wave off smoke came billowing out the back door of the bakery.""My blueberry muffins are burning!"" cried Brenda. She raced into the kitchen.As Brenda removed the burnt blueberry muffins from the oven, the bear came into the kitchen.""Shoo you bumbling brute,"" Brenda said to it. ""You are bad for business. You made me burn my muffins.""Brenda threw a blueberry muffin at the bear. The bear ate the muffin and went back into the store.""Is it gone?"" asked Bill, as he and Barney came cautiously into the kitchen.""The bear is in the store,"" said Brenda. ""I have a plan.""Brenda sent Bill to get some honeycomb and had Barney back his van behind the bakery. Meanwhile, Brenda beat up a batch of buttermilk biscuits. Then she mixed the honey from the honeycomb into the batter. Soon, the kitchen was bursting with the smell of honey buttermilk biscuits.The loud banging noises the bear was making in the bakery store ceased abruptly as the bear smelled the honey. Brenda carried the big batch of biscuits out to the van. Bill opened the back door. The breeze blew the smell of the honey-buttermilk biscuits into the bakery. The bear nudged open the swinging door of the bakery and ambled into the kitchen. He knocked over the big brown bowl and grumbled when he found no honey.Then the bear sniffed his way out the back door. Brenda had placed the basket of biscuits at the back of Barney's van. The bear bounded up the ramp and Barney banged the door shut. Brenda and Bill cheered.""I will take the bear back to the forest and let him out,"" said Barney.While Barney and the bear drove away in the blue van, Brenda and Bill bustled back into the bakery to clean up.


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