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Monday, May 1, 2017

jokes par 3

##A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion.
The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There " says the vet," Your hamster is dead ". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head.
"It's definitely dead sir ", says the vet.
Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please ". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead " fumes the man.
"Well ", says the vet,
"There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan "."

##A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bulls eyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bulls eyes and was given another turtle. Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more he had scored three bulls eyes. But this time there was an onlooker with good eyesight. "That's fantastic ", the man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls? "The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to the target and inspecting it closely. "Yes, sir! ", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic! Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent 68-piece set of glassware! "
"I don't want any bloody glasses ", the drunk replied. "Give me another one of those little crusty meat pies! "

##A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he'd continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. 'However did you find him?' asked Father Skunk.'In-stinct,' replied Out.

##A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes! " he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen. "
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five. "

##A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog on to the the operating table, looks down and says "Say ahhhhhhhhhhh! "The man looks at the vet and says "The dog can't speak ". The vet says to the man "I was talking to YOU. The dog,s dead!!!"

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