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Thursday, May 4, 2017

A big collection of jokes about "" how ? ""

##How are skunks able to avoid danger?By using their instinks and common scents!

##How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes!

##How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!

##How can you tell when a skunk is angry?It raises a stink!

##How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?He prawned everything!

##How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.

##How do you get four elephants into a Mini? Two in the front, two in the back.

##How do you give a cowboy a hard-on? Moooo-ooo-ooo

##How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts!

##How do you know if you have a tough mosquito? You slap him and he slaps you back!

##How do you make a cat drink?1 cat 2 lemons Vodka Mix then serve

##How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun!

##How do you smuggle an elephant across the border? Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch "."

##How do you start a teddy bear race? Ready, teddy, go!

##How do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.

##How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?Flipper coin!

##How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another!

##How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed!

##How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly?Just a phew!

##How should you treat a baby goat?Like a kid.

##How to Catch a White Elephant ======== Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close,drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin(with raisins). The sixth day you climb the tree, bring with you a muffin without raisins. Drop the muffin as usual. When the white elephant finds out that the muffin lacks raisins, it will darken in anger. And then you catch it the same way as an ordinary grey elephant.

##How to Hunt Elephants -- QA Style Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

##How would you get four reindeer in a car?Two in the front and two in the back!And how do you get four polar bears in a car?Take the reindeer out first

##How do you catch an elephant? First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash. Then you take a load of peas and line them up around the hole. Then, when the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!

##How do you get an elephant into the fridge?1. Open door.2. Insert elephant.3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?1. Open door.2. Remove elephant.3. Insert giraffe.4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won't close. How do you know there are *three* elephants in your fridge? There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini. How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge? By the footprints in the butter.

##How do you get an elephant out of the water? Wet. How do you get two elephants out of the water? One by one.

##How do you catch a polar bear? Answer: First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice. Next, you place enough peas around the hole to completely surround the hole. Then, when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

##How To Give Your Cat a Pill

##How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as "desktop elephants. "

##How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager Style Senior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

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