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Monday, May 1, 2017

Animal jokes 6

##A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker brain the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err,which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter? "A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why? "
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous,"I believe my dog just killed it, sir. "
"What? " roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have? "
"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old puppy. "
"Bull! " roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman? "
"It appears that he choked on it, sir. "

##A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole! " So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up. " And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks."

##A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says: "So, why the long face? "

##A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

##A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber. She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, "Who is it? "He replied, "It's the plumber. "He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it? " and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn't happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it? "He said, "It's the plumber! "He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it? "He said, "It's the plumber!!!!!!!! "Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, "Who is it? "; "Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!! " he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway. The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, "A dead body! " she exclaimed, "Who is it?! "The parrot said, "It's the plumber. "

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