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Monday, May 1, 2017

2 stories

1. The Cup of Tea


One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. 

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. 

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a
little cup of "tea," which was just water. 

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. 

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because
it was "just the cutest thing!" 

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for
Daddy and she watched him drink it up. 

Then she says, (as only a mother would know . . ... ) 

"Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

2. The Moped Race

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to a Doctor at a
street light. 

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got
there, sonny?" 

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!" 

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" 

"Because this car can do up to 220 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly. 

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" 

"No problem," replies the doctor. 

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on
his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right.... But I'll stick with my

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his
car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 150 mph. 

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer ! 

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something
whips by him going much faster! 

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. 

He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph. 

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! 

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the
Moped at 200 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees
the old man gaining on him AGAIN! 

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari
all the way up to 220 mph. 

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is
flat out, and there's nothing he can do ! 

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. 

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. 

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor... Is there anything I can
do for you ?" 

The old man whispers, 

"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"

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