childish adult jokes part 4

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

 The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!

Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

 To go with the traffic jam!

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

 Because they might peel!

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Knock, knock.

 Who’s there?

 Cows go.

 Cows go who?

 No, silly. Cows go "moo!"

After many years, a prisoner is finally released.

 He runs around yelling, "I’m free! I’m free!"

 A little kid walks up to him and says, "So what? I’m 4."

Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?

 He was a little hoarse.

Knock, knock.

 Who’s there?

 Little old lady.

 Little old lady who?

 Wow, I didn’t know you could yodel!

What did the pencile say to the other pencil?

 your looking sharp.

My mama was so cheap, she waited ’til after Christmas. 'Baby, Santa Claus missed our house. I called him, and he coming back tomorrow.' She was waiting for the stuff to go on sale.

 

Did you hear about the child with AIDS? it never gets old. I own an abortion clinic called "Don’t Kid Yourself"

What do lawyers wear to court?

 Lawsuits!

What did the mushroom say to the fungus?

 You're a fun guy [fungi].

How do you make a tissue dance?

 Put a little boogey in it!

  

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?

 Every morning you’ll rise and shine!

"What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?"

 "You can’t tuna fish."

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

 An Investigator

What did 0 say to 8?

 Nice belt!

Q: What is the difference between a boy and a girl?

A: A boy is eight times more likely to be convicted of murder.

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?

A: "Dam."

What is the most hardworking part of the eye?

 the pupil

The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass -- Happy Butt -- what’s the difference?"