Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Childish adult jokes



##Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins."

"What a coincidence," the man says. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets."

"That’s really an incredible coincidence," he answers. "I work for the 3M Corporation."

An hour later, the nurse tells the third man that his wife has just given birth to quadruplets.

The man says, "I don’t believe it! I work for the Four Seasons. What a coincidence."

After hearing this, everyone’s attention turns to the fourth guy who has just fainted. He slowly regains consciousness and whispers, "I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers."





## Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.



##My wife’s not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, "All kids smell that way."

 

##Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class. He stood in front of the class trembling and began.

"A B C D E F G H I J L K M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z."

His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where’s the P?

He replied, "It’s running down my leg."






##Children in the backseat can cause accidents.

Accidents in the backseat can cause children.







##Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade?

A: Because she’s 21.






##A little girl and her mother are at chuch when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.

When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.

"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn’t have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'"







##If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.



   


##What is green and yellow and lies in a pile of cookie crumbs?

A beat-up girl scout.







##if a single teacher cant teach us all subjects,how is a student supposed to learn all the fucking subjects?







##My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.







$##One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."







##A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider."









##Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

A: His daddy was really a mummy.









##In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there’s yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.

"Now don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there’s yet another!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. "Do ya think it’s the light that’s attractin' them?"
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