Monday, May 8, 2017

Fun with woman part 4

1.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?  Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.


2.
A new medical study has shown that... A new medical study has shown that a woman’s breast-feeding isn’t adversely affected by aerobics. It was found, however, to be pretty distracting to guys in the class.



3.
Titicons Titicons (.  )(.  ) tiny tits (o) (o) regular tits ( O )( O ) big tits ( @ ) ( @ ) big harry tits ( ' ) ( ' ) perky tits {.  } {.  } shriveled tits ( , ) ( , ) drippy tits [ _ ] [ _ ] android tits ( # ) ( # ) Tysoned tits



4.
Miracle Bra Alternative 

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They’ll grow gradually larger over a period of some years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow?" she asks. The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn’t it?"



5.
Feminist’s Fairytale!  !
 Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don’t think so."



6.
NEW ELEMENTS ON THE PERIODIC TABLE Element: WOMAN Symbol: Wo Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less) Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of wealth. Probably the single most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element: MAN Symbol: XY Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !  @#$&*! Atomic Weight: 180 +/-100 Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young, fresh samples. Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.



7.
Age FAVORITE SPORT 17 shopping 25 shopping 35 shopping 48 shopping 66 shopping



8.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better. Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed. Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"



9.
Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.



10.
A WOMAN’s SCHEDULE1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don’t have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger King. Pee. Wash hands. 8. Lunch. Slimfast. Pee. 9. Arrive home. Pee. Shower. Pee. 10. Promise sex to husband. Pee. Get up in the middle of sex and pee. 11. Pee. Go to bed. Get up at 3 A.  M. waking husband but instead of giving him head, go and pee.


11.
His And Hers ATMsHIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt HER: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it.  9. Enter PIN number 10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 11. Hit "cancel" 12. Re-enter correct PIN number 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. STOP 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 36. Check makeup 37. Put car in reverse gear38. Put car in drive 39. Drive away from machine 40. Travel 3 miles 41. Release parking brake


12.
God created woman, and she had 3 breasts.  He said to the woman, "Is there anything on you that you’d like tochange?"She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"God snapped his fingers and it was done.  She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand,"What am I going to do with this useless boob?"And God created man.



13.
AGE DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser



14.
Age EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need to have Francois color my hair 66 Need to have Francois color my wig




15.
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the First house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet. "Madam, if I could not clean this up within 5 minutes with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman. "Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady. The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?" "There’s no electricity in the house…" said the lady. 



Continue to fun wit woman part 5 
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